Marcel Gagné

Maybe it's age. Could be lack of sleep. Or  maybe I'm just being overly picky, but "Compared to what?" is a question I find myself asking more and more as time goes on. Today, for whatever reason, is a particularly bad day for the question.

Some of it is just silly advertising; a bad choice of words or a name that just sounds a bit stupid. There are companies called "Reliable Plumbing", or reliable pretty much anything. Compared to those unreliable guys, I suppose? You might have an "Honest Movers" in your town, or honest somthing else (look in the phone book for a good list). That's compared to the Dishonest Moving Company that operates down the street from HM. Or Lucky Restaurant (or Variety or Sandwich, or etc). That's compared to Unlucky Restaurant where most people wind up with intestinal bugs of some sort.

Badly chosen names can induce the old head shake, but more often, it's the words that promise something they aren't quite up on delivering. here's a sample.

Let's take the word waterproof, as an example. When you promise me that something like a bandage is waterproof, do you mean that it's waterproof in a small, summer rain shower, or that I can take a shower and stay dry, or that I can submerge myself under water and still have the cut protected. I'm betting on that light summer sprinkle. Not too distantly related is leakproof which sounds like a great idea in a baby's bottle or sippy cup, except that most kids that age don't read. Consequently, you're likely find a spray of milk droplets all over the table, floor, windows, the kid's clothes, and yours, as you try to figure out whether it's you or the manufacturer that doesn't understand the meaning of leak-proof.

How about medicine that promises "Tastes great!" Again. Compared to what? My kid wanted to throw that stuff up as soon as he took it. So I tried it and I nearly threw up. Great as compared to a bovine manure shake? Maybe. There's another one that says, "Great orange flavor". All I can say there is that the thing you thought was an orange? Well, it isn't. Back to the drawing board.

The drawing board is a place the creators of childproof devices should spend more time. Compared to no door at all, I suppose that little plastic latch could be considered childproof, but then maybe you haven't met my children. Of course, you know what the say about making things foolproof. "It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious."

Here's another stainless steel. Well, that one is actually a misunderstanding. We, the public, have been led to believe that products made from stainless steel will remain clean and shiny. Wrong. It's stain less, not stainless. It still stains, just less.

Oh, and that wash and wear stuff . . . they expect you to dry it first. It's really wash, dry, occasionally iron, then wear.